Today’s topic: Preventing Addiction
Plateau Addiction Treatment Services understands that addiction is a disease that nobody wants to have to suffer from. We’ve heard you:
“I don’t want addiction to happen to me.” Jane Doe- Nebraska
“Substance abuse is one disease I don’t want to catch.” John Q. Doe – Maine
“If I wait until I develop a chemical dependency, it might be too late for me.” – Mia Who- Ohio
You shouldn’t have to wait to hit rock bottom. In fact, substance abuse professionals have been advocating reaching addicts at lower bottoms, sometimes decades before they become full-blown addicts. Now, you can enjoy the same excellent level of care so many others in recovery have benefited from since 1939 and the first publication of Alcoholics Anonymous’ Big Book outlining a program of 12 Step recovery.
Even if you’ve never picked up a drink or a drug before, our Prevention Addiction Treatment Services knows that addiction strikes at any time. The disease is literally outside waiting in the parking lot doing push-ups, waiting for you to become chemically dependent.
A Brief History:
The American Medical Association names alcoholism a treatable illness in 1963. By 1964, insurance began to cover treatment, but not prevention. You might be asking yourself, how does one prevent addiction? “Just Say No,” doesn’t work. The D.A.R.E. program doesn’t work. Since the ‘Minnesota Model’ has helped so many people over the years, we’ve based our preventative care on the same system.
Why wait to be in complete hopeless despair , stigmatized, marginalized on the edges of society, alone in a gutter? At Plateau Addiction Treatment Services we take the disease concept seriously.
The Disease Theory:
Unlike the common cold, addiction is more than just a medical condition. Unlike manic depression, addiction is more than just a mental health disorder. Sadly, American children grow up in this country never learning about this nation’s largest silent killer: The Spiritual Disease.
The Spiritual Disease is Addiction and it is not a theory, you must accept it as so. You must, or you will become an addict and you will die from your disease. America’s children don’t learn about spiritual diseases in public schools, possibly because of antiquated nuisance separation of church and state laws. But those laws were made to be broken, otherwise, why would our nation establish block grants and other funds to pay for 12 Step treatment for The Spiritual Disease?
The real injustice is, unlike every other disease, you must have an active addiction to receive proper medical care. That’s why at Plateau, we hire certified Spiritual Doctors, who have studied spirituality as well as the sciences of addiction counseling. Other doctors ask their patients if they practice any religious practice, and avoid talk of spirituality as to not offend a person’s beliefs, but Spiritual Doctors must speak of spiritual addiction matters.
“Can I go to my place of worship to learn about addiction instead?” Victor Nobody- Florida
Victor, we’d like to tell you yes, but your priest, minister, or rabbi does not have the same knowledge as drug counselors do at Plateau. Their God is not the same God that prevents and treats addiction. You’ll find that God in the “Our Father,” (and may you find Him now.) Although some might find the Almighty Male-Father God image as a creation of men to keep women down , feminism is an outside issue and has no place in addiction treatment. In fact, the first 164 pages of the Big Book describe alcoholics as men only and it hasn’t been changed for over 75 years and neither has their description of God.
“But can we have spirituality without God?” Edna Fakename- Wisconsin
Good question, Edna. The answer is emphatically no. The Spiritual Doctors at Plateau Addiction Treatment Services have thoroughly studied the 12 Steps as part of effective treatment for addiction, and they clearly describe a Higher Power that is greater than yourself alone, and that power is God as we understand Him.
But fear not ladies, AA has a flimsy pamphlet written just for you. Plateau will also show you studies, charts and graphs indicating women absorb alcohol and become addicted faster than men. At which point you’ll be confused why AA doesn’t take women more seriously, but AA does believe a program for men can work as well for women if they are willing to compromise pieces of their personal integrity and intelligence.
The Science of Addiction:
At Plateau, we have designed various tests to measure your current state of health with state of the art equipment. Our dedicated, caring staff knows that preventative care works if you work it.
The Plateau Process includes:
1.) Self-Reporting on the level of God-consciousness you feel you have today
2.) Taking a fearless and thorough moral inventory of your wrongs
3.) Use of our patented Character-Defect-o-Meter
5.) Urine, Blood, Saliva, and Hair Strand Test
To ensure Plateau has provided the best care possible, new patients do not go home empty-handed. They’ll receive our take home packet including “One Day at a Time” magnets, “If I Drink I’ll end up in AA” stickers, “Taking Drugs leads to NA Hugs” t-shirt, and a limited edition 16″x24″ poster of the 12 Steps to remind them of the dangers of contracting the dreaded disease of addiction.
Evidence Based Treatment:
Rest assured at Plateau, because we use the same evidence based treatment roughly 95% of the country uses, and that treatment cannot be successful without the 12 Step process. The proof is in the statistics, because just like AA, we don’t keep any. And just like treatment centers that require patients to study the 12 Steps and attend AA meetings, we are accepted by every major insurance company— even Medicaid and Medicare will pay for your appointments at Plateau.
Our employees are licensed and certified by the state as drug counseling professionals, social workers, nurses and doctors. Some are 12 Step experts, carrying the message of Step 12 to you. Just like AA, we don’t conduct background checks. Sometimes, we even prefer that. By hiring people whose only expertise is working the 12 Steps, we’ve been able to open at least one new Plateau facility at the rate of 4 per month in the last 4 weeks alone.
In the rare event a staff member harasses you, stalks you, or inappropriately touches you, please understand that Plateau has absolutely zero policies in place regarding sexual harassment or crimes that take place at our facilities. We aim to follow the same righteous path upheld by our friends in AA. We feel bad if you contract HPV, or Hepatitis C, or HIV, but all we can do is pray for you and hope you’ll understand, that as a patient, you also had a part in all of this. We are not culpable for any theft on the premises. Our staff are only trusted servants, they do not govern.
Plateau is not affiliated with AA, or vice-versa. If an AA member is on our staff, they are anonymous, and we can claim ‘plausible deniability.’ We do not pay anyone in AA any money to use their AA name nor provide our patients with AA literature, wait, actually we do give that money to AA. But when we are wrong, at least we promptly admit it.
We hope to produce a Plateau Prevention scared-straight PSA for all elementary, junior high, and high schools in America warning of the true nature of The Spiritual Disease. We won’t quit before the miracle happens, as we are very uniquely qualified.
-This parody was written by, Juliet Roxspin, the pseudonym I use in place of Juliet Abram. I live in Cleveland, Ohio and I’m agaist abuse in all of its forms. While spending roughly 10 years in/out of AA meetings, graduating both inpatient and outpatient treatments, and briefly running an SOS meeting, I learned a lot along the way. When I wasn’t working, I was learning. I am a writer, an artist, and a mother. I’ve been knocked down enough times to know I can always get back up again. This is my experience, strength and hope.
PLEASE STOP CONSIDERING AA MEETINGS A MANDATORY PART OF TREATMENT, ANYWHERE.
PLEASE STOP SENDING PEOPLE TO AA THROUGH THE JUSTICE SYSTEM.
PROJECT VALENTINE’S DAY:
Feb. 14th is V Day, the day One Billion Rising encourages everyone to speak up that 1 in 3 women will be beaten/ raped in her lifetime. It’s happened to me, it can happen to anyone. That’s one billion women. If I have the time, I’d drop a dollar in the AA ‘hat’ with the words : A.A. Blames the Victims of Abuse on it or something like that…. I haven’t figured out what to write yet actually… They used to call these ‘chain bills’ … I guess that song about never breaking the chain is a great analogy…
Write on your $1, $5, or $10 bills (as these are in rapid circulation, I wouldn’t go higher than $10 myself, but $20 is ok.) WRITE A MESSAGE ABOUT FORCED AA ATTENDANCE.
I don’t care what it is…. Just write it down and send me a photo to firstname.lastname@example.org THANKS!